The Late Hector Kipling by David Thewlis

Author:David Thewlis [Thewlis, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Picador
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Here I am, look. Here I am. I’m squeezed into a phone box on the corner of the Roman Road, and Mum’s all over the place. Mum’s in little pieces that won’t fit together.

‘Well, where are you?’

‘I’m in a phone box, Mum.’

‘I didn’t think they had phone boxes in London any more.’

‘Well, they do, Mum, and I’m in one.’

I’m surrounded by twenty girls all with their knockers and pants askew. It’s like trying to talk to your mother from the inside of Hugh Heffner’s head.

‘Hector, love, come home, your father’s broken out in sores.’

‘Eight hundred and forty pounds, Mum; I’m sending it to you right now.’

‘Don’t you dare, Hector.’

‘Mum! Mum, remember when I had all those warts on my fingers and you bought them off me, 25p each? Well, it worked, didn’t it? The next day they were gone.’

‘What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Well, Mum, I’m offering you eight hundred and forty pounds for Dad’s sores. I’m sending a cheque.’

‘We’ll rip it up.’

‘What am I gonna do if I come home? There’s nothing I can say to Dad that’s gonna make him feel better about you blowing that much money. All I can do is replace the money. Mum, please let me give it to you.’

Mum sounds like she’s crying but she’s trying to hide it from me. ‘Just come home, Hector love. I need a hug. How did the show go?’

‘It went fine, Mum. Don’t cry.’

‘I’m not.’

‘You are.’

‘I’m not crying, Hector, I just need a hug from my son. Your dad needs a hug from his son.’

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